What is a dad? The one man in her life that will be her male role model for the future. The one man in her life that she knows she can really trust. A man that will alway be there for her no matter what.

Well thats what i have always though but tonight i relised something. My dad has never really ever been there for me. He NEVER showed up to my school plays or even my ballet tests or shows. He has NEVER taken part in anything in my life. When i was at primary school we used to have father daughter races, and i was always the only one who couldn't enter the race coz my father was NEVER at sports day.

I could ask him a question to see if he knows anything about me and i bet ya that he could not answer it. And you know what hurts the most about my dad. He has NEVER kept a promise to me. He promised me that i could do motor cross, but i have never done it, that i could have a party for my 18th and when i told him that i really wanted one he said "we can't afford it. well we can but i don't want to apend the money one that." he really hurt me when he said that. He also promised that if i didn't spend to much on a party then her would get me some new furiture for m bedroom and almost 2 months later no bedroom stuff.

He has ALWAYS let me down and i don't think that will ever change. It's always me, me, me with him and he just loves to make eveyone elses life a misery just coz someone said something to him.

I miss the fun dad who used to play football with me in the back garden everyday after school. Thats the only father daughter time we ever spent together and we stopped and have never done anything father daughter again. I just want to know my dad, coz life is short and i don't want to regret anything when he is gone.

I just wish i could tell him all of this, but i dont know how to talk to my dad anymore. And that really, really hurts me to say.

I dont want to say this but this is how i feel. He's more of a sperm giver than a dad.
And you know what? I cant wait till i go to uni, just so i can get out of this house and away from his moody attitude.

Sorry if you ever see this dad, but this is how i feel.

 

So here i am sitting in my bedroom thinking about what I could do so I think I'll talk for a bit or something. I dont know why in hell I have just wrote this but now I'm going :)

BYE  BYE  BYE  BYE  BYE

3....... is a magic number!!! and so is 13

Ever since I was a little girl I have always wanted to be an actress. Its my life long dream. 

I still have that dream, but the problem I have now is that I have no self confidence in myself. 
I wish I could like myself for me, but i find it really hard.

Whenever I watch the TV or films I get this hole in my chest. A hole that has something missing 
in it and that is that I would love to be an actress. I wish I could just the confidence to go to a 
acting class with people my own age.